Here we go again, which one is better?

ice cream necktie image

laugh1689

1...A man was crawling through a desert and soon he approached a table where a man was selling neckties! Oh my goodness, do you have any water?
The salesman replied to him that “I am sorry because I don’t have any water with me but I could sell you a neck tie”.
The crawling man again whispered “Necktie? But I need water!”
Again the salesman said “There are only four dollars a piece”.
The man replied “I need water”.
“Okay two for just seven dollars”.
The thirsty man exclaimed “Please I need water”.
Well the tie salesman said, even though you will not buy a tie I will tell you what to do, just go in that direction for about a mile and you will run into a very nice restaurant.

Gee thanks he says and off he goes.

About an hour later the man comes crawling back to the tie salesman.

The salesman says, didn’t you follow my directions and find the restaurant?

Oh, I found the restaurant alright, but they would not let me in without a tie!


#2......Lady walks into an ice cream parlor on a hot day.

"I'd like a gallon of chocolate ice cream", she says.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but we've had a run on chocolate in this weather and we just ran out. We've got 30 other flavours, so please pick one of them." replied the clerk.

"Oh well, I guess I'll just have a quart of chocolate then."

"Ma'am, perhaps you didn't hear me. We are completely out of chocolate ice cream, but I'll be happy to sell you another flavour."

"Oh. Better make it just a pint of chocolate then."

The clerk has had enough at this point and asks, "Listen, lady, spell the 'VAN' in 'vanilla'."

The lady is puzzled, but replies "V-A-N".

"OK, now spell the 'STRAW' in 'strawberry'. he says.

She slowly replies, "S-T-R-A-W", still not sure what he's up to.

"OK, now spell the "****" in 'chocolate'."

She looks at him and says, "There's no '****' in chocolate!'

He shouts back, "That's what I'm tryin to tell you, lady!"


#3......Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever

come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"


Happy Halloween everyone...

Answer
I think maybe the first one.. I dont get the last one and the second I didnt really get coz te letters were blocked out.. is it sposed to be c*u*n*t?