How can I nicely tell my daughter to lose weight?

ice cream jeans image

Q. My daughter, from another man's sperm, is becoming dangerously obese. I kinda mean about it though cause she not really from my man region but from Korean businessman my wife slept with when she furious with me over sleeping with her uncle. Anyway, girl now big, 11 years old, and can't fit into her jeans no more and always heaving and walking with ice cream bar in hand. I tease her a lot, for example, when she enter kitchen I start to throw Cheetos at her and laugh like little mischievious boy while oinking. And when we view the Animal Planet shows about whale I ask her how did she manage her time to appear on prime time show so much. LOL. Also, I force her to take Jenny Craig microwave dinner plates to school. Haha. Anyway, she now cry and write crummy poetry about being dumb and fat and sad. I tired of making her feel like blimp she is already, how can I make her cheery and smiling of her fat face? I wanna see that blubber glow with happiness. What you think?

Answer
Hahaha, I couldn't stop laughing while reading this. I'm guessing this is just made up and a joke or whatever, but ya, you should be a comic, haha.

Although if this isn't all a joke (which I doubt), then you're just a dick.

Thanks for the laugh, ciao.